currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
