You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
