Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
