I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
