Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
