In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
a search helicopter?!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The ass gains better be worth it
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