I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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