I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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