just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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