There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
