Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
