I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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