i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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