dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
