I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
