Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
