had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize