pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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