remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
