One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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