Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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