I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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