Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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