I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
