i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
