if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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