She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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