I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry about my life...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
