you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
