Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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