I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
