mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My pussy is not your playground.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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