Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
