I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
