We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
