no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
