you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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