Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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