just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
