this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
