lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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