why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
