fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
