PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
