i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
