your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
