We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
