I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
