is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
