Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
