is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
