I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
