i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
