Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
