We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
