I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
