I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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