just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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