why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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