I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
