There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
