New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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