dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
