So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
