Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
