His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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