i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
