I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
