sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
