I hate all girls vehemently.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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