Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
