I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
