what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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