Me too!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize