Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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