I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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